My room is directly across the hall from Noble’s. It’s a large square with a window on one wall surrounded by bookshelves on both sides and a storage bench beneath it. A radiator with chipped white paint is to the left, and a closet door is to the right. To my delight, the old doors all have glass knobs and the window curtains are homemade.
There are three pictures on the dresser: Noble’s Rutgers graduation picture and wedding portraits of each of his two older sisters. Mrs. Sinclair has beautiful children. To the left of the door is a double bed that has a lavender and beige quilt on it, and about six pillows at the head. I feel at home in this old farmhouse. I’ve spent so much time the past few months in Julia’s and my ultra-modern apartment I’ve become accustomed to the cold, shiny surfaces. This room is warm. As if hearing my thoughts, the radiator begins to tick and Noble comes around the corner with towels in his arms.
“I brought you some towels.”
He puts the stack of at least five towels on the chair next to my bed. “I see that.”
“You know, in case you want to wash your car or something,” he says, and we both laugh. “I’m not used to having house guests.”
I tilt my head, knowing this is a lie.
“At least not ones that arrive before one a.m.”
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Would you like me to help? You are my guest, after all.” His eyebrows raise, his devious intentions masked by his sweet eyes and innocent grin.
“I think I can manage alone. Do you mind if I use your stuff?”
“Stuff?” he asks.
“Shampoo, soap, razor—whatever you have in there I can make work.”
“My products are your products. Seriously, if you need anything I’m right across the hall.” With that he lightly kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Good night.”
Oh Noble, so gentle. What would it be like in your bed?
I pass his room on the way to the shower and hear music coming from under the door. The bathroom reminds me of my mother’s except it’s twice as big. The toilet, sink, and shower are all a light teal and the shower curtain incorporates the same teal with pink and brown. There are rooster-shaped soaps in a henhouse dish, which make me laugh. Mrs. Sinclair is funny, like Noble. I shower, taking my time because I have plenty of it and the hot water is incredible.
When I’m done I wrap myself in the robe hanging on the back of the door, assuming it’s Noble’s. It’s blue and the same material as a sweatshirt and has a hood, which I put up after I finish brushing my hair. I brought my own toothbrush but use Noble’s toothpaste.
While I brush, I look out the window. The bathroom faces south across fields and eventually Pointary Road. For as far as I can see there’s only snow, like the horizon at the end of the ocean. To the left, there’s a light post and Butch’s house beyond that. Good night, BJ. I smile at the thought of him. I’m blessed to have him. In the glow of the light post the storm’s full fury is visible. The snow is now coming straight down, inconceivably fast. At this rate we may never get out of here. I spit and rinse and place my toothbrush in the cup alongside Noble’s. I hang up my wet towel before hitting the light switch and opening the door.
Noble’s leaning against the side of his bedroom door. “Nice robe.”
I touch the soft fabric on the arms. “Do you mind?” I ask.
He’s my sweetest friend, standing here. “No. You’re a funny girl, Charlotte.”
“Are you waiting for me?” I ask.
“I didn’t know that was an option.” I tilt my head to the side and he adds, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Oh, Noble, I’m sorry. I took the longest shower because the water felt so good.”
“Can we talk about the water in a minute?” he asks as he moves by me.
I call, “Good night,” and escape to my room.
The radiator bangs as if someone’s hitting it with a wrench. It doesn’t keep me up because I’m not sleeping anyway. I just lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling. A crack of light seeps under the door and creates a gray glow in the room. What would Jason say about me staying here? He and Noble are friends. Noble and I are friends. Jason and I were so unexpected I think it took us all by surprise. I tried to keep my close relationship with Noble, but Jason didn’t make it easy. He thought every guy that spent any time with me wanted to have sex with me, or worse, was in love with me. Noble was no exception. By my senior year I stopped telling him when Noble would come to my house at Rutgers. I assume Noble instinctively kept it to himself, although I never would have conspired with him to keep something from Jason. It’s the only thing I did keep from him. In my head I justified it because I’d given up so much that was available at Rutgers to be with him. Giving up Noble was too much to ask.
I hate you, Jason. You ruin everything.
I can think of a few sorority sisters who probably wouldn’t be thrilled I’m here either. I can see why they want him. Noble’s one of those rare individuals who appeals to both men and women. He’s a guy’s guy and women adore him. I think it’s because, besides being hot, he’s also hilarious. I’ve laughed so hard with Noble I’ve forgotten how handsome he is.
I wonder what he sleeps in…
Not his robe. At least not tonight. I roll over on my stomach and try to quiet my brain. The sheets are cold on my bare legs. I was so worried about forgetting something BJ might need that I completely forgot anything to wear to bed. If I’m still here tomorrow night I can borrow a t-shirt from Noble.
I wish I’d taken Noble to my spring formal. I wish I’d taken him, and had sex with him until he couldn’t remember his name. A sob catches in my throat. I won’t cry over Jason Leer. Not here, not in Noble’s house.
Fuck you, Jason Leer.
I get out of bed and look into the small round mirror on top of the dresser. I’m starting to look more like myself. Eating helps. My hand swipes away a stray eyelash from my cheek, and moves down my face and rests on the rowel necklace Jason gave me our first Christmas together. It hasn’t left my neck since.
“Why didn’t I take this off?” I ask my reflection. Great, now I’m starting to talk to myself. I take it off and throw it in the side pocket of my overnight bag. I rub my neck, disturbed by its absence.
I stand frozen by my reflection in the mirror. If I look like myself, when am I going to start feeling like myself? There’s nothing left to wait for. Unsure of what I’m doing, I cross the hall and knock on Noble’s door. I hear music coming from inside and swing the door open without waiting for a response. Noble’s sitting up with his glasses on, filling out some forms in bed. He’s shirtless, and the sight of his shoulders arrests my sight. He takes off his glasses and starts to gather up the papers when he sees me.
“Charlotte, what’s wrong?”
I slowly shake my head back and forth, but say nothing. He’s bewildered and I know if I don’t leave now I won’t until morning. Oh, I should stay away from him. My breath quickens and I slowly walk over to him, confusion letting go to hope on his face. I straddle him and the robe opens, exposing my collarbone to the tips of my shoulders. My hair, still damp, hangs down my back, cold and wet.
His stare morphs to complete desire, and I can feel him responding on my thigh. I kiss him, gently at first, but I succumb to months of loneliness. It quickly gets away from me and I’m pressing my lips on him hard, excited by his immediate response. His flexed arms, his generous lips, everything responds to me with an unleashed hunger.
I stop, breathless, and try to regain some control. Noble’s face is inches from mine and he reminds me of an animal being stalked as prey. No sudden movements.
“Noble, promise me you won’t hate me in the morning,” I say, knowing he should stop this, not sure if I can go back to my room if he asks me to.
“Why would I hate you?” His voice is quiet and his words are slow.
“Because tomorrow I’ll call this a huge mistake. I’ll say it’s too soon and I’m not ready. That it cannot happen again.”
Noble bends me backward and lays me flat on top of the covers. His boxer shorts hang low on his waist and my eyes pause there. My gaze saunters past his defined stomach and lingers at his shoulders, his incomparable shoulders, before passing his expressionless lips and settling on his stare. Noble waits for a breath and kisses me with an urgency that pushes every thought from my mind. He sits up and unties my robe, unveiling me to the night air. My best friend’s eyes behold me, naked in his grasp. Nothing will ever be the same again. I shiver and he kisses me again, my body warming under his touch. Noble kisses my neck, pauses and looks at it as he runs his hand over where my necklace used to rest. He moves to my ear and kisses behind it and plays with my lobe with his tongue, finishing by grabbing it with his teeth and yanking a little.
My breath catches.
“A huge mistake, huh?” His head hovers inches above me as his eyes bore holes in mine. They are dark and mischievous, and I want him inside me immediately.
I reach up and grab his hair. He kisses me as he takes each of my hands and gently places them above my head. “Then let’s make sure it’s indelible.”
There are three pictures on the dresser: Noble’s Rutgers graduation picture and wedding portraits of each of his two older sisters. Mrs. Sinclair has beautiful children. To the left of the door is a double bed that has a lavender and beige quilt on it, and about six pillows at the head. I feel at home in this old farmhouse. I’ve spent so much time the past few months in Julia’s and my ultra-modern apartment I’ve become accustomed to the cold, shiny surfaces. This room is warm. As if hearing my thoughts, the radiator begins to tick and Noble comes around the corner with towels in his arms.
“I brought you some towels.”
He puts the stack of at least five towels on the chair next to my bed. “I see that.”
“You know, in case you want to wash your car or something,” he says, and we both laugh. “I’m not used to having house guests.”
I tilt my head, knowing this is a lie.
“At least not ones that arrive before one a.m.”
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Would you like me to help? You are my guest, after all.” His eyebrows raise, his devious intentions masked by his sweet eyes and innocent grin.
“I think I can manage alone. Do you mind if I use your stuff?”
“Stuff?” he asks.
“Shampoo, soap, razor—whatever you have in there I can make work.”
“My products are your products. Seriously, if you need anything I’m right across the hall.” With that he lightly kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Good night.”
Oh Noble, so gentle. What would it be like in your bed?
I pass his room on the way to the shower and hear music coming from under the door. The bathroom reminds me of my mother’s except it’s twice as big. The toilet, sink, and shower are all a light teal and the shower curtain incorporates the same teal with pink and brown. There are rooster-shaped soaps in a henhouse dish, which make me laugh. Mrs. Sinclair is funny, like Noble. I shower, taking my time because I have plenty of it and the hot water is incredible.
When I’m done I wrap myself in the robe hanging on the back of the door, assuming it’s Noble’s. It’s blue and the same material as a sweatshirt and has a hood, which I put up after I finish brushing my hair. I brought my own toothbrush but use Noble’s toothpaste.
While I brush, I look out the window. The bathroom faces south across fields and eventually Pointary Road. For as far as I can see there’s only snow, like the horizon at the end of the ocean. To the left, there’s a light post and Butch’s house beyond that. Good night, BJ. I smile at the thought of him. I’m blessed to have him. In the glow of the light post the storm’s full fury is visible. The snow is now coming straight down, inconceivably fast. At this rate we may never get out of here. I spit and rinse and place my toothbrush in the cup alongside Noble’s. I hang up my wet towel before hitting the light switch and opening the door.
Noble’s leaning against the side of his bedroom door. “Nice robe.”
I touch the soft fabric on the arms. “Do you mind?” I ask.
He’s my sweetest friend, standing here. “No. You’re a funny girl, Charlotte.”
“Are you waiting for me?” I ask.
“I didn’t know that was an option.” I tilt my head to the side and he adds, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Oh, Noble, I’m sorry. I took the longest shower because the water felt so good.”
“Can we talk about the water in a minute?” he asks as he moves by me.
I call, “Good night,” and escape to my room.
The radiator bangs as if someone’s hitting it with a wrench. It doesn’t keep me up because I’m not sleeping anyway. I just lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling. A crack of light seeps under the door and creates a gray glow in the room. What would Jason say about me staying here? He and Noble are friends. Noble and I are friends. Jason and I were so unexpected I think it took us all by surprise. I tried to keep my close relationship with Noble, but Jason didn’t make it easy. He thought every guy that spent any time with me wanted to have sex with me, or worse, was in love with me. Noble was no exception. By my senior year I stopped telling him when Noble would come to my house at Rutgers. I assume Noble instinctively kept it to himself, although I never would have conspired with him to keep something from Jason. It’s the only thing I did keep from him. In my head I justified it because I’d given up so much that was available at Rutgers to be with him. Giving up Noble was too much to ask.
I hate you, Jason. You ruin everything.
I can think of a few sorority sisters who probably wouldn’t be thrilled I’m here either. I can see why they want him. Noble’s one of those rare individuals who appeals to both men and women. He’s a guy’s guy and women adore him. I think it’s because, besides being hot, he’s also hilarious. I’ve laughed so hard with Noble I’ve forgotten how handsome he is.
I wonder what he sleeps in…
Not his robe. At least not tonight. I roll over on my stomach and try to quiet my brain. The sheets are cold on my bare legs. I was so worried about forgetting something BJ might need that I completely forgot anything to wear to bed. If I’m still here tomorrow night I can borrow a t-shirt from Noble.
I wish I’d taken Noble to my spring formal. I wish I’d taken him, and had sex with him until he couldn’t remember his name. A sob catches in my throat. I won’t cry over Jason Leer. Not here, not in Noble’s house.
Fuck you, Jason Leer.
I get out of bed and look into the small round mirror on top of the dresser. I’m starting to look more like myself. Eating helps. My hand swipes away a stray eyelash from my cheek, and moves down my face and rests on the rowel necklace Jason gave me our first Christmas together. It hasn’t left my neck since.
“Why didn’t I take this off?” I ask my reflection. Great, now I’m starting to talk to myself. I take it off and throw it in the side pocket of my overnight bag. I rub my neck, disturbed by its absence.
I stand frozen by my reflection in the mirror. If I look like myself, when am I going to start feeling like myself? There’s nothing left to wait for. Unsure of what I’m doing, I cross the hall and knock on Noble’s door. I hear music coming from inside and swing the door open without waiting for a response. Noble’s sitting up with his glasses on, filling out some forms in bed. He’s shirtless, and the sight of his shoulders arrests my sight. He takes off his glasses and starts to gather up the papers when he sees me.
“Charlotte, what’s wrong?”
I slowly shake my head back and forth, but say nothing. He’s bewildered and I know if I don’t leave now I won’t until morning. Oh, I should stay away from him. My breath quickens and I slowly walk over to him, confusion letting go to hope on his face. I straddle him and the robe opens, exposing my collarbone to the tips of my shoulders. My hair, still damp, hangs down my back, cold and wet.
His stare morphs to complete desire, and I can feel him responding on my thigh. I kiss him, gently at first, but I succumb to months of loneliness. It quickly gets away from me and I’m pressing my lips on him hard, excited by his immediate response. His flexed arms, his generous lips, everything responds to me with an unleashed hunger.
I stop, breathless, and try to regain some control. Noble’s face is inches from mine and he reminds me of an animal being stalked as prey. No sudden movements.
“Noble, promise me you won’t hate me in the morning,” I say, knowing he should stop this, not sure if I can go back to my room if he asks me to.
“Why would I hate you?” His voice is quiet and his words are slow.
“Because tomorrow I’ll call this a huge mistake. I’ll say it’s too soon and I’m not ready. That it cannot happen again.”
Noble bends me backward and lays me flat on top of the covers. His boxer shorts hang low on his waist and my eyes pause there. My gaze saunters past his defined stomach and lingers at his shoulders, his incomparable shoulders, before passing his expressionless lips and settling on his stare. Noble waits for a breath and kisses me with an urgency that pushes every thought from my mind. He sits up and unties my robe, unveiling me to the night air. My best friend’s eyes behold me, naked in his grasp. Nothing will ever be the same again. I shiver and he kisses me again, my body warming under his touch. Noble kisses my neck, pauses and looks at it as he runs his hand over where my necklace used to rest. He moves to my ear and kisses behind it and plays with my lobe with his tongue, finishing by grabbing it with his teeth and yanking a little.
My breath catches.
“A huge mistake, huh?” His head hovers inches above me as his eyes bore holes in mine. They are dark and mischievous, and I want him inside me immediately.
I reach up and grab his hair. He kisses me as he takes each of my hands and gently places them above my head. “Then let’s make sure it’s indelible.”